no baby

its been a week since jay got Anthony back for me. ever since then i've been spending all of my time with Anthony he is 6 now and he knows alot for his age. i talked to the foster parents and i have him permanently now. it feels unreal that i finally got him back . i thought that, that day would never come but look it did. we talked alot this past week and i learned alot about him . he and jay has a lot in common like he likes red and jay does to . they both love rap music and lot of other things. jay treats him like he was his own . 
i explained to him about the baby and how he was gonna have a little sister . he seemed happy about it. i have asked about his real dad (lyndell) but i just played around the question because i dont want him to know about lyndell stupid ass . jay has been telling him that he was his real dad and Anthony is not stupid so he aint falling for it. i called my family when i found out that i was gonna keep him for good. i called them and told them the news i even told my dad  and he felt stupid because all that shit he talked last time . that i s what he get anywho i dont wanna talk about him . today me and jay and anthony are going to Houston to go get my sister because she is moving to new york with us. Anthony  knows some  of the peple in the family like solange, mama, daddy, kelly and jay . he haven meet angie or ty and kayla  and the rest of them . we got on the plane at 4 something and we arrived in Houston a few hours later and we went to the house . when we walked in solange ran right to me
(solo)bb i missed you 
(bey)i missed you too *hugs her*
(solo)and look at my handsome nephew *picks Anthony up* did you miss aunty?
(anthony)yes 
(solo)awww
(bey)so did you pack everything 
(solo)*put anthony down*yea it just a few little things that i have to get, and bey your getting big how mant months are you
(bey)8
(solo)wow 
(bey)yes, the doctor said i could give birth anyday 
(solo)oh god we dont need that 
(bey)right where momma
(solo)kitchen 
(bey)ok
i still cant believe im a aunty i love my nephew to death . when he got tooken from bey was one of the most saddest days in my life but now he is back so there is no need to worry about the past .im moving to new york with bey because of a mistake that i made i dont know what made me so stupid to do what i did. my mom knows about it i just hope she dont tell bey . i want to tell her when the time is right because she has been in my situation before so it might be easy or her to understand and i just want to tell her on my own time.
i walked into the kitchen with a big smile on my face and i ran and hugged my mom. i noticed that she wasnt in the mood because usually she be more happy to see me then i am but today she seemed mad or something. she was washing dishes and i stood by her  and looked at her for a while until she was finished. when she got done she just walked past me she didnt even acknowledge me  so i guess she was made at me .what did i do now i dont know. but im determined to  find out . my mom went upstairs to her room and i waited about 10 minutes and i went up there to and sat on her bed she was reading a book.i was nervous to say anything because with my mom if you talk to her when she is mad she will go OFF . 
(bey)mom..?
(tina)yes beyonce *sighs*
(bey)whats wrong .. did i do something to make you mad
(tina)im not mad at you bb ok
(bey)then whats up?
(tina)just leave me be ok 
(bey)but..
(tina)im not gone tell you again
(bey)fine i love you 
(tina)i love you too
i went back downstaris to where jay and anthony was playing together it put a smile on my face to see them interacting together like a father and a son is supposed to . lyndell probably never would treat anthony the way jay does . even though i cant stand lyndell and i said i dont want anthony around lyndell. i still want anthony to see him at lease once . thats still his father . i dont think jay is gonna like it i need to talk to him and explain why. i told solange to take Anthony upstairs with her. me and jay sat in the living room in silence . i was playing around with my fingers trying to find a way to tell him with out him getting mad or anything. after about 5 minutes i finally spoke.
(bey)jay i want lyndell to see anthony 
(jay)what.. why?
(bey)i know you keep telling him that you are his dad but jay lyndell is still his biological father and i just think that it would be nice or anthony to at least see his dad once in his life  . now dont get me wrong i dont want anything to do with lyndell i just feel that this needs to happen
(jay)so when do you want to do this ?
(bey)now
(jay)fine but im coming 
(bey)thats fine *kisses him*
i got anthony situated in the car seat thing in the car then i got in the passenger seat and waited for jay because he said he had to go to the bathroom ..when he came back we headed to lyndell how im surprise jay aint ask how i still no where he lived at . when we arrived i got anthony out and i knocked on the front door jay was followed behind us. when lyndell opened the door her was surprise to see me he treid to give me a hug but i pushed him away.
(lyndell)*looks at jay then back at bey*so this is who you with?
(bey)thats none of your business
(lyndell)so what the fuck you here for 
(jay)nigga dont talk to her like that
(bey)jay calm down it aint worth it
(anthony)mommy i wanna leave
(bey)we are baby. lyndell this is your son anthony
(lydell)ok..?
(bey)your such a asshole come on *grabs anthony hand*
i grabbed anthony hand and we went to the car jay stayed and was talking to lyndell . when i was in the car i was crying because i dont understand how he could act like he dont care well i should of known he would care . i wiped my eyes and sucked it up like i wasnt crying because jay was coming back to the car. the ride back to the house was quiet i didnt want to talk about nothing so i just went in my old room and fell asleep
wow, the shocked me to see him act as if he dosent care. i mean i only known the lil boy for a week and i love him as if he were mine lyndell is a bitch ass nigga . to act like that . bey went in the room and me and anthony talked about lyndell. he said that he dosent like him and he wanted me to be his real dad i told him that i would always be his dad . and that put a smile on his face . i cant wait to till me and bey have our own baby together so i cant wait till next month so i can see my baby girl. i t was still early afternoon so i decided to take anthony out and do something while bey was sleep. we went to get ice cream then we went to the park and threw the football back and forth and for him to only be 6 that boy can throw good , when we got back to the house everyone was eating so i made me and ant a plate . after everyone was dont eating . me bey and ant went in the room and started watching tv until we all fell asleep.
i woke from my sleep because i felt wet i felt all over . then it hit me that my water broke . i woke jay up . and he rushed me to the hospital . i forgot about all the pain. i was in labor for about 14 hours and it was time . the doctor told me i could have only to people besides jay and i just brung my mom along . i had to push 4 times . and i didnt hear no crying even when the doctors hit her butt there was nothing . they rushed her into another room and i was so confused about what was going on .
(bey)mom whats going on
(tina)its gonna be ok baby dont worry about it
(bey)whats wrong with my daughter i didnt hear any crying is she ok  
(jay)baby calm down she is gonna be fine 
about a hour later the doctor came back and he slowly walked . i knew it was going to be nothing good. the doctor came over to me and held my hands and said "ms. knowles your daughter didnt make it we tried everything we could but nothing worked" when we said that i felt like i just wanted to die this can be true or possible my baby can not be dead 
3 days have passed this i lose my baby i've been very depressed and sad i havent been eating as much as i usually do. i can tell that jay is sad about it too he just is not showing it . we are back in NY with solange . she cried about it as well and it only made me cry even harder . i keep trying to tell myself that she is in a better place and that maybe it wasnt the right time but nothing is working i  loved her and i didnt even know her . i was planning on having a relationship with her like me and my mom. i was excited about everything then she just had to leave me . im happy anthony is here because if he wasnt then i would have lost both of my kids

TO BE CONTINUED 

guess who?

my family flew out to new york for Christmas, and today is the day i tell them im supper nervous because i know something is going to go down. solange is here she is 17 . she is staying with me for now my mom and dad went to a hotel but right now we just got done opening presents . and jay got me everything i wanted because i've been sending signals out for example he got me the new car i wanted , this new shirt i cant really describe it but its beautiful and i wanted it so bad and he got it for me, i also got him this 4.5 million dollar watch i must of been out of my mind but the smile on his face showed me it was worth it so im not worried about it. kelly is here also (i decided to take me and Michelle out of this blog) with her new boy friend i think his name is  Donovan i dont know. i wasnt ready to tell them yet so i walked over to where kelly and donovan was laughing all hard and what not

(bey)what are we laughing about

(kelly)oh nothing 

(bey)mmhhmm 

(kelly)so did you tell them yet

(bey)noo not yet

(kelly)what you waiting for

(bey)i dont know

(kelly)just do it ill be right there with you 

(bey)fine come on

i called everyone gather around and me jay and kelly got in the middle of the circle that was around us . my knees was shaking from being so nervous and scared i made small talk and everything then i got right to the point when the words im pregnant came out my mouth my mom mouth dropped and i could of sworn my dads eyes got red i knew he was about to let me have it solange was excited i knew she was my cousin's angie and kayla and also ty was happy for me

(ty)why am i just finding this out i bet kelly knew didnt she?

(kelly)show did now what

(ty)dont make me..

(kelly)can hit a female remember your still a male

(ty) not after what i did last night

(bey)ewww disgusting

(ty)anywho how far along are you

(bey)5 months now

(angie)damn you cant really notice

(kayla)yea it just look like you been eating alot and you getting a gut

(bey)really..?

(kayla)yup but it nothing to be sad about

(ty)yea your gonna be a mommy again

(bey)i know

(matthew)beyonce me and your mother needs to speak with you

oh lord here it comes i wasnt going alone so i grabbed jay hand because he is the father of this baby anyways we went in one of the guestrooms in the house and i stood my the door with jay my mother went and sat on the couch and my father walked back and forth .i was just standing there already crying because  knew this wasnt gonna be pretty because my father looked HEATED.he stopped and i braced myself for what was finna happen i wiped my eyes and he beagn to speak.

(matthew)im very disappointed in you 

(bey)daddy im sorry its just that ..

(matthew)save it . beyonce you are not ready and i repeat NOT ready for another child i mean just look at what happened to Anthony

(bey)why did you have to bring that up i know what happened ok

(matthew) obviously you dont. you are not responsible enough you raise a child 

(bey)what happened to anthony was not my fault and you know that dad you let him put his hands on me i told you over and over about lyndell ass and the things he did and what did you do.... nothing so how dare you tell me im not responsible to raise a child im 24 years old and that means im a grown ass women so if you cant live with the fact that im 24 and im grown the ch.. i dont know what to tell you

(tina)now bey thats still your father dont talk to him like that

(bey)mmm whatever you can make your way to the door im going to bed come one jay

bey went in the room while i told everyone that we were going to bed . everyone left except solo she was in the room talking to bey  i didnt want to interrupt so i went to sit on the couch

me and solo was talking and i really can tell she is excited . now that she is older she might be more responsible and gentle . we talked about everything that happened just now between me and my father and then i dont know how but we started talking bout her and Daniel having sex and tha t she MIGHT be pregnant .and that is the last thing i need is for my little sister to be pregnant . my father is going to think she learned it from me because i was around her age when i had Anthony but she does not have to follow in my footsteps i should have been more careful like i am now . after me and solange finish talking she went in the guestroom and went to talk to daniel . jay came back in the room and we talked until we feel asleep

3 months later...

its been 3 months ever since the stuff that happened with my father. i have forgivin my father verbally but mentally and emotionally. im still hurt about what he said he acted like it was my fault that anthony got tooken away . anyways i went to the hospital yesterday me and jay. we went to find out the sex of the baby and we are having a baby girl . im happy i've always wanted a girl .im naming her giselle beyince carter beyince is my mom real last name its creole . today me and jay went his mom house and i love hr she made me all this extra food just for the baby . ive been staying out of the spot light the world dosent know im pregnant but tomorrow is the BET AWARDS and im nominated oh yeah i released my second album on my birthday it was titled "BDAY" it sold out in under 60 seconds again another number one album smh rihanna needs to step it up anywho. me and jay really didnt do anything today . the next morning i woke up early to start my day i had hair and make up that needed to get done . its took about 2 hours then i changed into this long Orange dressed. im excited to show the world . when we arrived i walked the carpet 

when they saw my belly they went nuts it was crazy! by the end of the night i took home 5 awards im still shocked how jay brung me all this success without him i would still be working at that fast food place. its only been bout 4 hours ever since i told the world and it all over the news , internet everywhere

(jay)i guess you really made a name for yourself

(bey)hmmmm i guess soo

(jay)there is someone i want you to meet he is a little young but he loves you and i think you would love to meet him i think yall know each other

(bey)who

(jay)come on out!

my mouth dropped to the floor omg i love jay so much

to be continued 

wish bey luck

a week has past and today is the day i get the real results back . im still in L.A and jay went back to new york they sent the results to our house in new york good thing im going back to day . i finished the rest of the movie around 12 in the after noon and i was so happy now i have to pack up my clothes and stuff so i can get home.
im really nervous because it could be a chance i am pregnant and there could be a chance that im not or i could miscarry or something like that  but i dont want to think about the negatives. i called jay and he told me that the results havent arrived yet and i was happy because i want to read them together . my flight took off at 5pm and its only around 3 so i decided to met up with this guy i meet named usher he is very handsome but he is not my type he seems like a dude that would do anything you want . i mean i like a dude like that but i also like for him to be able to take control when he needs to and usher dont seem like that type . he has a girl friend anyways and they have two sons that are very cute . her name is Tameka and i met her once she seemed like she had a attidue or something and i just ignored it . but anyways me and usher were going to this nice little restaurant they had in L.A then we were going to walk around until 5. i chose to wear something regular instead of going all out . i met up with usher at the restaurant and from there we talked and order our food 
()bey) why are you in L.A anyways if you live in Florida
(usher)well nosy i got a video shoot out here
(bey)wait you sing. or rap or something
(usher)yea..i sing
(bey)omg me too im working on my second album
(usher) i heard your first one it was pretty good
(bey) pretty good ch.. you mean amazing
(usher) dont get over confident
(bey)hold on im trying to remember you ..............oh yeah you sing that song called confessions or something like that
(usher)yup
(bey)i loved that song i didn't know who sang it though
(usher)well now you do 
(bey)mmhhmm
(usher)we should collaborate together
(bey)that would be something wouldnt it
(usher)yea so what do you say
(bey)umm i dont know i dont think your good enough for my voice
(usher)oh really 
(bey)nahh im kidding sure ill do it
(usher)ok cool how about we do a remix to love in this club
(bey)that song is kinds sexual dont you think?
(usher)its just a song
(bey)yea your right 
(usher)i know. how long you been out here ?
(bey)4 months now 
(usher)for what?
(bey)this move called Carmen 
(usher) you act?
(bey) this is my 1st movie
(usher)oh
(bey)yup but you ready to go
(usher)yea sure
(bey)ok
me and usher walked around L.A then i caught my plane home. when i got off the plane jay was waiting and i dropped all my stuff and ran to him he hugged me while lifting me up in the air i missed him so much even though he was with me last week i also missed the new york air for some reason . me and jay got in the car and went home when we got home jay got all the bag out the car while i hopped in the shower real quick . when i got out i really didnt feel like putting clothes on so i walked around in my panties and bra . i really didnt care because im home and when im home i get comfortable . i got the blanket from off the bed and i went downstairs and sat on the couch it felt good to just relax and dont have to worry about shooting the movie dont get me wrong it was lots of fun its just that i missed being at home with my boo.i started watching  poetic justice and i love that move because i love Janet Jackson . while i was watching the movie i fell asleep . jay woke me up and it was 11 at night and i was confused because it was just 7 and i couldnt have slept that long but i guess i did, i guess it was from being on the plane all day . when jay woke me up he gave me some food . he knows me so well he knew i was gonna be hungry . after i ate jay went to check the mailbox to see did the results come and they did . we went upstairs and got in the bed . when i opened the envelop and i saw the words POSITIVE i was so happy excited every good emotion you could think of then i came back to reality and i realized i have to tell my family about this and that had me nervous  i knew they were not going to be happy well solange would because she is going to be a aunty AGAIN!. my mom i really dont know how she is going to feel about this but even though my dad acts like he like jay i know deep down he dont . i decided to not tell anyone yet i wanted to wait until Christmas or something. when there is alot of people around so my dad wont try to kill me or jay.i decided to call kelly.
(bey)hey
(kelly)hey bey
(bey)what are you doing love
(kelly)oh nothing serious just this little thing i like to call sleeping
(bey)did i wake you?
(kelly)yes
(bey)oh . oh well your up now
(kelly)mmhhmm what do you want
(bey)do you wanna do something tomorrow i got to tell you something
(kelly)umm sure 
(bey)lets do something we havent did in a while
(kelly)like what?
(bey)ummmm...........................................the museum 
(kelly)yea sure
(bey)ok ill call you tomorrow 
(kelly)ok 
after bey got off the phone we then just really talked about the baby and the what if's and whatever . this is my first child and this is bey's second i can tell that bey is really happy but deep down i know she is nervous because of what happened to her son. im going to make it my mission to find him before i leave this world i know that would make her more then happy . we talked about the baby and how we were going to tell our family and we decided to wait until Christmas . she is not big so you cant really tell that she is even pregnant . we fell asleep and then she woke up and got dressed because her and kelly was going to the museum . i didn't want to come so i went to the studio until . they came back
i called kelly and told her i was on my way . when i got to her house she was ready surprisingly . we got to the museum about a hour later. we looked around and played around

  
 people was asking for autographs and thing and was coming up to us so i couldn't really talk to her about the baby . so we stayed for a few hours then left and went out to eat at this high class  restaurant it was really quiet all you heard was the instruments playing in the background . when we got seated we looked at the menu then the waiter came and asked what we wanted to drink and i ordered a sweet tea and kelly gave me this certain look then she ordered a long island ice tea . then the waiter wrote it down in his book and walked away.
(kelly)a sweet tea really?
(bey)yes 
(kelly)mmhhmm so whats up what did you have to tell me?
(bey)im pregnant
(kelly)what bey you are not serious are you?
(bey)yes thats why i got a sweet tea
(kelly)are you ready to have another kid after what happened to anthony (i changed his name from jaylen to anthony)
(bey)i think so i mean i cant do nothing about it now i really wanna have the baby its just something about jay thats different from the rest
(kelly)well im happy for you . did you tell tina and matthew
(bey)no i just found out for sure yesterday
(kelly)you do know you have to tell them right
(bey)of course
(kelly)yups. anyways i want something sweet like cake, cookies, pie something sweet god the 20 80 shit aint working for me
(bey) 20 80?
 (kelly)it this thing my trainer got me on 80% of what i eat have to be healthy and the other 20% can be sweets or cocktails or something
(bey)oh you dont need that she skinny 
(kelly)im not skinny im slim
(bey)right...
when i was sitting here with bey she seemed different i mean she was still her ordinary self its just something thats not clicking about her on the out side she seems happy about this pregnancy . but i can tell on the inside she is nervous or something i dont know im happy for her . anywho we ordered our food and ate then we went shopping and did anything eles we do when we are together . then i went home. when i got home my boo was waiting for me and lord i got me a goooooood man i love him to death mmmmmm he so got damn sexy he got a east coast accent that us country girls like i mean like look at jay and bey lol but my dude is not form brooklyn her from manhattan 
i went home and jay was still at the studio . then about 3 hours later he walked in the house with that bitch rihwhora or rihanna some shit like that she sat right next to me and i moved over then she started talking to me with that fake ugly ass accent 
(rihanna)congrats bey 
(bey)mmhhmm
(jay)bey be nice
(bey)fine thanks rihanna 
(rihanna)no problem
(bey)*fake smiles* jay can we talk real quick
(jay)yea
me and jay went upstairs so i can ask him why is she here . he said because she wanted to tell me congrats on the baby . i was like ok she can leave now but she was still here . so i just let her stay and i didnt say nothing . when she left me and jay got in the bed..a month has past and today is the day i tell the family wish me luck

to be continued 

i hope its accurate

the next morning i woke up first and i got all my stuff ready first then i took a shower. when i got out i got dressed and jay was up he said hey to me and i just looked at him and then rolled my eyes . i grabbed my stuff and went downstaris i still had a hour before i had to be at the airport jay followed me downstairs . i sat on the couch and he sta next to me i got up and went to the other couch and crossed my arms and legs . i didnt even look his way. i mean like i knew he was drunk but that is no excuse if he wanted to kiss on a girl he had me he just acted as if i wasnt there . but anywho i got up because i was hungry so i made ME  and only me some food i ate it in the kitchen he was still in the living room . when i got done i was washing out the plate and he came up behind me and grabbed my waist and kissed my neck i pushed his face away and walked away. he went and sat on the couch i was about to sit on i just stood there in front of him with my arms crossed then he pulled me into his lap
(jay)whats wrong baby
(bey)*sighs*jay i dont want to talk about it
(jay)well we are whats wrong
(bey)ughh ok well you know last night when we went to the club right
(jay)a little i really cant remember that much
(bey)well jay you was all over some chick and she wasnt cute that girl made rihanna look like a queen
(jay)damn i must have been really drunk
(bey)yes but that still is no excuse
(jay)i know baby i was drunk and not thinking stighr im sorry i love you to much to do something like that on purpose i am really sorry
(bey)*sighs*i guess i forgive you
(jay)you guess?
(bey)yes i dont have any other choice because i love you
(jay)i love you too
(bey)mmm. ok but i need to get to the air port are you taking me
(jay)yes but it dont want you to go
(bey)i have to baby
(jay)you dont HAVE to you chose to
(bey)awww i promise ill take care of you when i come back ok
(jay)ok
jay took me to the air port and in the car he didnt want to let me go he hugged and kissed me for about 10 minutes. then i finally got on the plane. the whole time i was thinking about jay . i already miss him and its only been maybe 30 minutes i was sitting next to mehki he was trying to cheer me up but it didnt work because i miss jay alot . we landed in L.A and we all got checked into the hotel and into our own room i was so jet lagged that i just flopped on the bed and fell asleep . i think i slept for about a hour and when i woke up i had 5 missed calls from jay 2 from my mom and 4 from kelly i decided to call kelly first but she aint answer so i called my mom and she said she just wanted to make sure i landed safely because she know i dont like flying ever since the aaliyah accident  . after i got done talking to my mom i called jay and we talked for about 2 hours then the producer came knocking on my door telling me it was time to shoot the movie i told jay i was gonna call him back after were finished. this is my first movie im nervous and excited i always wanted to be in movies so here is my chance . we are starting off with the bar scene . i changed into the red dress i was gonna be wearing and then i got hair and makeup done the whole time i was getting my hair done most def was messing with me which made me laugh and eventually i stop thinking about jay.we finally wrapped everything up 3 hours later and we went back to the hotel.

4 months later
we are almost done with the movie and i might leave early because i miss jat so much and this long distant shit and finna woke i see now that im away from here i need him more then ever i truly love this man . i remember i used to hate him i used to think he was nothing but a rapper that liked to play girls  but now that im actually with him he is more then that he is actually sweet, nice, smart and handsome and loving . he see me more then beyonce that the world know me as he see me as one of the most beautiful women in the really he loves me for my flaws and all . i dont know why he loves me but  that is why i love him . im happy that i found the one for me because i thought all men were the same just like lyndell i cant even believe i had a child by the nigga i dont regret it because i love jaylen alot . i gave him my last name because i knew that me and lyndell had no love so i didnt want to give my son his last name . lately i noticed something about me i think i have been eating to much because my stomach is getting bigger but no one really noticed but me or they do notice just are not telling me . last night i threw up and this morning while we were shooting the movie i threw up i felt sick a little so they let me stay in the hotel today. everyone have been coming to check on me every two hours and it was staring to get annoying because everyone said they same thing "are you ok" or "do you need anything "i mean like im happy they are concerned but every 2 hours no . i told jay about what has been going on with me and he asked that most stupidest question he asked was i pregnant . im not pregnant i cant be pregnant .because.......oh shit wait i could be pregnant omg i cussed jay out for no reason when he could be right i feel so bad wow the thought of being pregnant with shawn's baby light up my world 
i havent seen bey in 4 months she should be back next months but i wanna see here now so i decided to go to L.A and i wanted to take her to the hospital to see if she is pregnant because she told me about what was going on with her and i asked and she totally went off on me i was confused but i didnt have a chance to say anything back because she hung up on me. im on the plane right now and it just landed  . im going to get bey a few thing just because i love her she probably is going to thing i got her this stuff because i did something wrong but for the past 4 months i was good i did really talk to rihanna or anything the whole time i was focused on bey . i went to a few stores and i bought her some clothes and heels because she love  heels and then i went to this jewelry store and bought her some 50kt diamond gold earrings with a necklace and ring that was expensive almost half a million dollars but ill spend all my money on her. i texted her and asked what hotel was she in and then she told me and asked why was i concerned and i said i was just asking and she said oh ok. i arrived at the hotel and i asked the lady what room was she in and the lady was acting like she aint no who i was . she said who are you i said shawn carter as in jayz as in beyonce boyfriend she sat there for a minute the finally she remembered she told me what room she was in and she gave me a room key . when i got to bey's room i unlocked the door and she must have been the room. so i closed the door quietly then i turned the tv on loud and started watching it .
what in the hell who the fuck is in my hotel room oh hell know im not bout to be that girl in the scary movie that gets killed talking about some hello nigga imma be quiet . i searched all around the room and i found this thing it was kinda like a bat i grabbed it and then i put my robe on because i was just in my bra and panties. i opened the door quietly and i peeked around the corner and i saw that it was jay i held on to my chest as i let out a sigh of relief because it was only him . i put the bat thing down and i ran to him
(bey)oh my god jay baby when did you get here
(jay)not too long ago 
(bey)oh how come you aint come in the room
(jay)because i wanted you to come find me 
(bey)why we aint playing no damn hide -and -seek
(jay)*laugh*oh shut up
(bey)* giggles*oh lord i see gifts what did you do
(jay)i knew you would think i did something but i didnt i just wanted to get you some stuff
(bey)some..? it look like you bought the whole mall 
(jay)*giggles*just go see
i looked at everything jay got me and i loved them he know me so well i loved the shoes they were so cute .i kissed him and he told me that .. that wasnt it he pulled out 3 boxes i opened them and i was amazing at what i saw it was beautiful 

they were beautiful i loved it i kissed him and then my eyes started to water . he put the necklace on for me and i put then ring and earrings on i felt so special . i hugged jay and i started crying .jay just hugged me . then i pulled away and sat on his lap . i opened my robe so he could see my stomach

(bey)what if there is a baby in here how would you feel 

(jay)like the luckiest man in the world  how would you feel

(bey)well even the thought of it puts a smile on my face but do you think we are ready jay because i have to start on my second album after i get done with this movie

(jay) that is no excuse 

(bey)your right 

(jay)*feels around on bey stomach*it seems like there is a chance *giggles*

(bey)*giggles*oh really doctor carter 

(jay)yes um let me just go check my charts and ill be right back

(bey)you are so silly 

(jay)*chuckles* ill be back for real but is anybody coming over here tonight

(bey)why would someone be coming to my hotel jay get real

(jay) i was just asking 

(bey)boy do whatever you gotta do 

jay went into the bathroom and i sat on the couch and played with my necklace and thought about a family with jay it seemed it would be everything .im happy that i actually know who and how jay is that may sound stupid or dont make since but i know that jay wouldnt do the things that lyndell did he would actually step up and be a father to his child.. well i hope .anyways jay came back in nothing but his boxers on like always he sat by me and but his arm over my shoulder . i got closer to him and layed my head on his chest and we watched tv. then i got really hungry.

(bey)babe are you hungry

(jay)yess

(bey)ok imma cook somthing

(jay)no you always cook i will

(bey)thanks babe

i got up and changed into some clothes and went to the store to get something to cook i mean we could of ordered room service but its too late now . i bought some pork chops and mashed potatoes and corn and that is what i cooked it took maybe 30 or 40 minutes to cook then i made me and bey a plate bey ate hers fast like it was her first meal then she started eating off my plate then she made her another plate . either that food was good or she is pregnant because bey normally dosent eat like this i mean she love food but she gets full pretty fast. the rest of the night we just pretty much relaxed and went to sleep . the next morning i woke up to bey throwing up i went in the bathroom and was holding her hair while she threw up and i rubbed her back and she told me to call the producer of the movie to tell him she couldnt make it today . i did then i comforted her until she regained her strength to get up . i helped her put some clothes on so we can go to the hospital. 1 hour later we were sitting in the waiting room waiting for our names to be called.

(nurse) the carters? *looks around*

(bey)*whispers* caters?

(jay)just come on

(bey)ok

why did jay tell her that we are NOT married yet anyways . we followed the lady to this room and the whole time i was shaking because i was nervous . jay told me to calm down and i did a little . when we got into the room the doctor told me to sit on the bed thing then he started talking and blah blah blah i was looking around at the pictures that was on the walls of babies developing and everything then he gave me a cup and told me to go to the bathroom and pee in it . i did then i came back and gave it to him he told me that he would have the results in a WEEK and i told him that we wanted to know today . he said that it might not be accurate but we can still do it . i agreed and they did what they had to do . i thought i would be easy to just give me a ultra -sound   but they wanted to do things that wasn't necessary , 30 minutes later the doctors came back and gave me the envelop with the results . and i put it in my purse and me and jay left . when we got home i was hesitating to open it . so i didnt right a way i wanted to wait until to night i decided to go shoot the end of the movie so i can leave early and wouldnt have to wait another month to be back home with my baby. i came back to the hotel around 10pm and jay was up watching tv until he heard the door shut he got up and hugged me and kissed me softly which turned me on bad ,i dropped everything that was in my hand and i pushed jay on the couch and did a little strip tease he kept trying to touch but i kept hitting him. about 20 minutes later i was naked and i pulled jay boxers off. i got on top of him and i kissed his lips and neck he kept trying to put it in but i told him to wait until i was finish i kissed on him and left hickys on his neck. then i finally let him put it in and i gasped because its been 4 months since we had sex .i was grinding slow so i can actually feel everything jay had  then i went faster and i was bouncing rocking swirling on jay until i came. then he flipped me over and opened my legs wide and went in fast 

(bey)mmm shit jay slow down a little bit baby

i slowed down a little then i put one of her legs over my shoulder and went deeper and faster . its been four months so of course i had to show out i  cam and bey did to. i place her on the wall and i lifted her hand over her head . then i was holding her up with my other hand i was going slow and she was moaning in my ear and i love that . i let her hands go and she wrapped them around my neck i went harder on the wall and the people in the other room was beating on the walls so we could stop but i wasnt going to . i could tell bey loved it because she was scratching my back up after i cam again and she did too. we washed up and layed down 

wow. im speechless im just laying her staring at the ceiling he is so much better then lyndell as anyways i almost for got about the results . i went to go get them then i layed back in the bed and got close to jay.

(jay) you ready bey?

(bey)mmhhmm*opens the letter slowly* ok so it says.....that.....it.....is...... POSITIVE....... OMG JAY WE HAVING A BABY *jumps on the bed*

(jay)*giggled*calm down remember that the results are not accurate

(bey)*calms down*yea your right

omg i hope this are correct because i love jay so much . anyways i layed back down and i turned the lights off and he wrapped his arms around me and i layed my head on his chest and put one of my legs around his and we feel asleep

TO BE CONTINUED 

really?

i woke up this morning feeling great i still cant believe me and jay finally had sex  i was still replaying that moment in my head while i got up and took a shower . today i had a meeting with the producer of the movie imma be in he wants all of the actors and actress to go out for breakfast so we can talk and get to know each other im excited to see who imma be in the movie with. i meet most def and he is funny but he also likes flirting with me and i dont like it he is not my type  he has too much pride and its not attractive but besides that he is a cool dude . jay dosent like the movie because i have to kiss mekhi like 100 times  to say so myself its too much but money is to be made so im not mad . after i got out the shower my phone started ringing so i quickly grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me and ran to my phone . it was kelly
(bey)hello
(kelly)hey bey
(bey)hey wassup
(kelly) are you busy
(bey)well alittle i got to get ready for this meeting 
(kelly)oh well ok call me back
(bey)ok i will 
(kelly)bey im not playing 
(bey)ok damn 
(kelly)bye
(bey)bye
after i got off the phone with kelly i hurried and got dressed i put on these shorts and a spaghetti strapped shirt then i kissed jay on the cheek and grabbed my heels and left . when i arrived there was only a few people i felt early and i like to be late well "fashionably late" anywho about a few minutes later everyone eles came and we went inside to eat i was really hungry but i didnt get alot because i didnt want to look greedy and knowing that im not the one paying . me and mehki built a good friendship  so the movie should be easy now that im cool with him . after we talked and got to know each other we all got a copy of the script then we practiced for a few hours and everybody really just chilled and relaxed and i was hungry so i walked to the store down the street mehki came also i hope he dont take this movie seriously because this is ONLY acting i would never cheat on jay i love him to much . when we got to the store i grabbed me some chips and a soda and payed for it then my phone started ringing from inside my purse i looked  to see who it was and it was jay 
(bey)hey baby you finally woke up 
(bjay)yea where are you 
(bey)im at the store imma be home to you in a few minutes dont worry
(jay)i want you now * whining*
(bey)are you really whining Shawn carter you are a grown ass man if you dont stop that shit you acting like a little bitch 
(jay)did you just call me a bitch
(bey)no i said you acting like one boo
(jay)yea whatever i got you when you get home
(bey)mmhhmm bye
(jay)you missing 3 words
(bey)i hate you
(jay)oh really 
(bey)im playing baby i love you
(jay)yea thats what i thought
(bey)oh hush
(jay)lol i love you too
(bey)ok 
after i got off the phone with jay mehki whole attitude changed to happy to depressed like he was sad or something or maybe a little jealous this dude better not like me ughhh why did my mom hAVE TO BLESS ME WITH THESES LOOKS  . me and mehki walked back to the studio where everyone was leaving i hugged everyone and left . i called kelly back while i was in the car and her ass aint want nothing but a conversation i swear kelly needs lots of help anyways i got home and jay swept me off my feet fright when i walked in i started giggling  like i always do lol he carried me all the way to the couch and layed me down and took my heels off for me then he climbed on top of me and kissed me 
(jay)i missed you all day
(bey)aww baby i missed you too
(jay)dont you want to quit the movie
(bey)now why would i do that
(jay)i dont know .
(bey)im not quitting the movie baby it seems like it gonna be fun and besides your just jealous because i have to kiss mehki aint you
(jay)nope
(bey)mmhhmm whatever. do you want me to cook tonight?
(jay)yes
(bey)ok well its only what about 4 something do you want to do something?
(jay)well me and you already got plans
(bey)what
(jay)we having lunch with rih
(bey)WHAT..jay no no no nooooooooo
(jay)its too late
(bey)well dont expect me too play nice 
(jay)please 
(bey)nope i dont like her and she dont like me so it is what it is
(jay)she does like you she listen to your album 
(bey)who dosent ? so that was a stupid answer
(jay)*sighs* fine
me and jay sat on the couch and watch tv while i acted like i was gonna be good even though i knew i wasnt because if that bitch say or do something out of line imma pop off she can try me if she want to . around 5:30 we headed out to the 40/40 club jay owned right when we walked in there she was just sitting there waiting on us she looked so damn stupid gosh she make me look like a queen or something . me and jay sat down and she said hey to us with that ugly fake ass accent that she turns on and off. jay said hey back but i just sat there and looked at her with a smirk on her face she rolled her eyes and i started laughing jay gave me this look like stop so i tried to stop 
(bey)so rihanna how long have you been singing i forgot?
(rihanna)a few years now
(bey)dang you know i just got started not to long ago and my album became number one
(rihanna)yes why
(bey)have you had a number one album before?
(jay)bey stop
(bey)its juat a question
(rihanna)no i havent
(bey)thats kinds wired that someone that just started has a number one album before someone that been doing this dont you think
(rihanna)bey do you cal-
(bey)its beyonce boo
(rihanna)well beyonce do you call yourself being funny because i dont see it
(bey)whoa. who are you talking to i was trying to have a nice conversation you taking it personal 
(jay)ok that enough 
(bey)im done
i cant take bey sometimes she know that was mean lol i love her though. anyways the rest of the time bey was throwing shade at rih and rih was getting pissed and bey thought it was amusing rih left early so me and bey did to when we got home she took a shower and i just took my clothes off and walked around in my boxers and sat on the couch . bey came out wearing boy short panties and one of my shirts with her hair in a messy bun i aint gone lie this girl is toooooooooooooooooooooooooo sexy got damn i am one lucky man lol and she good in bed hell great even . anyways she sat by me as i looked at her she kissed me then i wrapped my arm around her . this women was everything she can sing, act, dance, cook, sexed lol if thats even a word lol . me and bey was talking and i guess i said something that made her upset so i kept poking her calling her a baby and she kept hitting me so we ended up fighting well play fighting and it ended with me on the floor and she on top. she kissed my neck and that turned me on i flipped her over now i was on top i kissed her on the lips and all over her body . we ended up having sex right in the living room on the floor .this women knows how to do some amazing things we were laying on the floor trying to catch our breath because we went hard and rough .
(bey)wow jay i.i.i..........um speechless
(jay)i know but go cook my food women
(bey)dont talk to me like that say please
(jay)im not gone say please
(bey)well i guess ill cook for myself*gets up*
(jay)*pulls her down*please 
(bey)fine what do you want boy
(jay)anything
(bey)anything? *raises her eye brow*
(jay)lol go make my food
(bey)ha lol ok
i cooked me and jay something simple because i was really hungry so i didnt want to make something that was gonna take forever . when the food was done i made me and jay's plate and we sat at the kitchen table he prayed and then after that for some reasons i was thinking about children and i started thinking about my son
(bey)jay do you think i will ever see my son again
(jay)hopefully 
(bey)you know he would be in school now i miss him so much he was the only think that brung me happiness and joy when i was with lyndell
(jay)i know dont think about it ok
(bey)ok i love you
(jay)i love you more
(bey)no you dont
(jay)yes i do
(bey)*smiles* ok
(jay) i love your smile 
(bey)awww
me and jay spent time together for the past few weeks. and those weeks were the best its now one day before i have to go to California for the movie and me and jay are at his club i only had one drink and that was a sex on the beach i dont want to get really drunk because i got to fly to California tomorrow. im actually bored because im sitting here looking dumb while jay is partying somewhere. i looked around for him and when i turned my head i saw him kissing on this other girl and she wasnt pretty for what i saw her hair was a mess her clothes where dirty she looked horrible i know jay is drunk but that dont make up for his actions . i grabbed my purse and i walked out of the club so mad and pissed i didnt even call no one to come get me i walked all the way home and cried in the bed until like 2 hours later i heard jay coming in and he was falling over stumbling over everything because he was so drunk i mean like really jay im leaving tomorrow and im not going to see you in like 5 months and this is how he wants to act we need time apart i can tell but of course he would do something like this right after he fucked me i knew i shoulda wait some more but you cant live in the past . i helped jay takes his clothes off her was in his boxers and i helped him  get in the bed he had his back facing me and he instantly went to sleep i turned my back facing him too and i was crying while my eyes was close i was being silent so he wouldnt wake up and eventually i went to sleep sad and depressed .. :(

to be continued 

4/4/04

the next morning me and jay got up and took a shower and then got dressed i put on some pants with these fur boots and a sweater type shirt. after we got dressed we went to my interview i had with tyra banks and it was fun she is a character lol after the interview the whole roc-nation team had a meeting during the meeting i wasnt really paying attention because i kept looking at that girl rihanna she kept looking at me with this stank look after a while i got pissed and i grabbed my stuff and walked out . jay followed me to the car 
(shawn)whats wrong with you
(bey)your hoe was bout to get a beat down
(shawn)what happened she aint say nothing
(bey)actions speak louder then words
(shawn)what did she do
(bey)she was looking at me like she had a problem or something and if you dont know in Houston Texas we dont play that shit i dont know what they do in Barbados but do not bring it around me 
(shawn)look baby thug the meeting is almost over ok so just come back and dont look her way
(bey)im going to wait in the car you can tell me what happen when you come back
(shawn) you sure ?
(bey)yes
i waited in the car for about 10 minutes then my friend keyshia cole i meet her when i went to California anyways she called and we talk and she told me that i should jump over that table on her lol  i was thinking about it anyways jay came back and he told me that i should do another album and im completely down for it i love making music so of course . i told him that i would and he said ok and gave me a kiss . we then went to a ice cream shop and got some ice cream i got butter pecan of course thats my favorite he got strawberry then we went home yes our home now . when we got there i was so exhausted all i wanted to do was lay down with my baby and sleep but he wanted me to go out somewhere and get him some damn shoe's from his mom house and she stay in new jersey what the hell but just because im a caring thoughtful person i did
i wanted bey to go to my mom house so i can set things up for tonight because i plan on taking it there with her tonight because today is 4/4/2004 and i think it would be good because out favorite number is 4 so i think tonight is the perfect night. i decorated the room and made it look perfect for her when she came back

i waited a little while and i just stood there And look at it then i went downstairs and took out some wine and chocolate and i went and bought her some flowers . then i went home and bey still wasnt back .i sat on the couch waiting for her and then she came home i walked up to her real slow and grabbed her waist and pulled her in close and tongued her down she dropped the shoe's that was in her hand and wrapped her arms around my neck i broke the kiss and showed her the flowers a got for her . she took them and smiled after that i picked her up and carried her into the room she looked at it and was amazed at what it looked like . when she was done looking i layed her on the bed i knew it was going to happen tonight i knew 4/4/04 would be a date to remember i gently kissed her on the lips and her neck she moaned softly . i slowly undressed her until she was only in her bra and panties i asked her was she ready to take it there and she said yea and i kissed her stomach and then i took off her panties and open her legs wide she told me that she haven't had sex in a few years so i had to be gentle i said ok then i licked her inner thighs and kissed them then i licked her clit and she was wet and i loved it i licked it up and down slowly and she was moaning and holding my head guiding me in the direction she wanted me to go . i went alittle faster and i used my tongue to go deeper she moaned louder and she told me she was gonna cum and thats  what i wanted  i went faster and she cam and i licked it all up then i stopped and kissed her for a long time while going inside of her while i was going in slowly she moaned while we was kissing . i kept going until all of me was inside of her 
(bey)i never knew how big you was until now jay mmm baby yes i want more
damn i mean i knew jay was big but now that we are having sex i can see that he is blessed when i told him i wanted more he grabbed my waist and went deeper i havent had sex in a while so i forgot how good it felt it felt even better to know that the first time we had sex is on 4/4/04 our favorite number. i needed this we needed this jay really know how to work with what he have gosh i love this man so much ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit im going to cum i felt myself tense up and my body going a little numb and i knew i cam when i felt him slow down a little .jay was loving my body the way it needed to be loved he was kissing on my chest and neck while going in and out of me i was scratching his back while he was in between my legs . i felt his dick tense up and i knew he was about to cum and that sent a chill down my spin that i forgot to tell him to pull out i didnt know he cam yet until i felt the warm liquid inside of me and for some reason i didnt care that he cam in me i love him so if i do get pregnant i wouldnt mind i mean i know i said i would wait but i can tell this man is different 
(bey)i wanna ride him daddy
(shawn)daddy? i like the sound of that
jay layed on his back while i slowly eased my way down when i had all of him inside of me i started grinding on him and i had my hands on his chest balancing myself and biting my lip he had his hand on my waist . i was in haven he sent me on a high like no other it feels like im on dope . he was sneezing my ass and everything i started to go faster until i cam again then he stood me up and pushed me on the wall and slowly pushed his dick inside of me i moaned in his ear then he kissed and sucked my neck while i wrapped my legs around his waist it was so much love and passion in the room it was insane it felt like my first time and it is well its the first time giving myself to someone that i love and that actually loves me back . we went faster on the wall and he went harder i was srcathing his back and moaning his name . i bent over and jay went in hard and deep
(bey)fuck jay mmmmm yesssssss baby i love you
(shawn)i love you too
she was bent over and i was going deep she was moaning loud and saying my name damn i love this girl so much she cam again and then we kept going at it until i was done then i slowly pulled out and i kissed her on the lips and i told her i love her she said she loved me too then we went to take a shower and in the shower we went for round two after that we washed up then she put on one of my shirts and some panties i put on my boxers and we got in the bed i was holding her from behind and once my arms wrapped around her she fell asleep instantly i kissed her neck and went to sleep myself

TO BE CONTINUED